Bedtime Stories
by Sakura-Revolution
Summary: Just simple little stand alone fics. Include a character in the review, and I'll post anything I have about them.
1. Babysitter

Temari would be an excellent mother.

Shikamaru blinked and gave his head a slight shake. The thought had emerged from nowhere it seemed, but looking at the scene in front of him, it wasn't hard to see where it had come from. The Sand Siblings had come to Konoha for some diplomatic function, and Temari has agreed to babysit the child of a high official. Shikamaru laid his head back on his hands. She babysat the infant, and he babysat her, even if she would have attacked him if he phrased it that way.

When she volunteered for the chore, Shikamary had expected she would have complained for awhile about it, or else just left the child in its sleep basket and not bothered with it. Subtlty wasn't Temari's strong suit and he had never seen any indication that she liked children at all. But, his mind reminded him, he had been wrong, and it was almost refreshing to see this new side. They had traveled together many times, but this was her first time to be... delicate?

The baby was fussing, propped up in her lap. It had rejected its bottle, and seemed bent on causing a bit of strife. Temari, who refused to tolerate weakness in others, was serene, eyes half shut, bouncing the baby lightly. When she stopped for a moment to pick up a spit-up cloth, the child erupted into screaming, which faded again as she began to bounce. Shikamaru snickered a little.

"He doesn't like to be still?" He asked, his first attempt at conversation since Temari had earlier given him a rather frightening explanation of why the milk in the bottle was oddly colored. The diplomat's wife was no beauty, and the thought of milk from.... ugh. Troublesome. Temari this time gave a slight shrug, adjusting the child to a higher seated position.

"Colic. The bouncing makes his stomach hurt less." She explained. The child seemed to be proof of the sucess of this manuver, its whimpers turned to soft babbling noises. Shikamaru assumed this was a good sound.

"Oh." He yawned and Temari hid thin-veiled amusement. "You babysit much?"

"No." She answered. "I did when i was younger. It was a good excuse to get away from the bickering." She slowed the bouncing as the baby was nodding off.

"Babies that little?" Shikamaru asked.

"Younger. Once a four day old newborn, although the mother stayed. She just needed the sleep." Temari laughed softly at the thought. She gently laid the baby in the basket to sleep and went to a sink in the corner to wash her hands. Shikamaru watched her, and she gave a shrug and smiled.

"Why? Havn't you?"

"No." He answered. "I really havn't been around many infants. I'm and only child, and I really had no interest." Temari gave a dismissive wave at him and smoothed her clothes.

"Two baby brothers, remember? I don't remember when Kankuro was born. I wasn't quite a year old then. But I remember Gaara." She giggled. "He was so tiny, i used to steal him from his wetnurse."

Shikamaru found himself oddly interested in this, if only for the image of the feared Gaara as a tiny thing. Temari lightly rocked the basket back and forth when the child began to stir. Shikamaru waited, but she didn't seem to have anymore to say. They sat in a comfortable silence for awhile.

"So, do you want kids?" He finally asked her.

"Maybe. Maybe a boy and a girl. Two boys fight a lot, and two girls bicker. One of each would be nice."

Shikamaru felt something warn bubbling up, somewhere in his chest.

Troublesome.


	2. Night Time

It was a dark night, quiet and almost inviting. Deidara sat cross legged on the hill, above miles of sand and bare rock faces. It was... nearly artful. Windswept and barren. The moon was a grudging sliver, casting so little light that it stirred something deep in Deidara's mind... Something made of red eyes and unbreakable binding... He tried to forget things like that. With a frown he started to sculpt, even a flash was light.

He was starting to drop the spider in his hand when it was taken from him. He drew back with a startled gasp, but even in the scant light knew the face. His partner has abandoned his puppet armor and settled beside him, tucking the explosive into the folds of his robe. Fearless. He knew Deidara didn't dare set it off now. Too deep a respect.

Deidara frowned, knowing what Sasori was saying. A flash, even a few words might betray their watch. It was too close to Mission Clear to risk it on a childish show of fear. And fearing the dark was childish... Deidara was beyond that. He told himself that, in hopes of it coming to be true. The two sat in silence, the odd lighting continuing to pick away at the barriers in Deidara's mind. His trembling was nicely hidden by the bulk of his robe, there was no chance that the dim light allowed Sasori to see clearly.

But after a moment, Deidara felt cold polished wood slip into his hand, clockwork joints pinching his skin slightly. The mouth in his palm tasted palm wax and paint. His partner had no need for comforting gestures, sensations being dulled due to his self-inflicted alterations. The puppet hand laying in his mouthed palm, the fingers that fit snuggly between his, all of this was for Deidara's benefit. Sasori gained nothing from it.

In the dark, Deidara held on a little tighter.


	3. Twins

.No one quite understood the Hyuuga twins. They were close, anyone could see that. Maybe too close, maybe not. Even in a clan of glass walls, where privacy was far from assured, they managed to carry a certain mystery between them, the same womb, the same blood, the same clan, but on vastly diffrent playing fields. Yet fighting was rare, and power plays rarer still. Even as children, they left much to the imagination. If one was seen, they both were, no question, if Hiashi was being taught to be clan leader, Hizashi was somewhere close by, listening to the same lessons, and seeming to be absorbing the words carefully. The two were difficult to tell apart, sharing not only their features, but mannerisms and inflection.

It got worse as they grew, as they reached Genin age. Soon even their own father who had always known them well enough to tell, was forced to occasionally lift a forehead protecter to find which son was before him. They seemed amused by this and were caught twice having switched places. Their father scolded them for this and made threats against it happening again. The promise they gave did not convince him.

As they reached maturity, they continued along their vastly diffrent but parallel lives. They shared a bedroom, sparking rumors of inappropriatness, yet no one could name a incident that seemed anything but brotherly.

Hiashi slowly became the more confidant of the two, as they reached adulthood, it became a little easier to tell the two apart, yet it wasn't until Hiashi ceased accepting missions to become the clan's head and start his family that anyone could be absolutely sure which brother was which. Hizashi, who had his first child a year before seemed unbothered by his brother's new role, and in fact proved himself a mildly doting uncle to the little girl that soon followed.

Over time, things seemed on a slow change, but the clan mostly ignored it. Those who did notice chalked it up to an inevitable growth apart. Therefore when it came to a head, it was a sudden and unexpected movement. In a period of a few short hours, their relationship soured from the copacetic bond, to an outward display of hatred and Hiashi's one show of force against his brother.

A month or two passed, creating a rising concern in their father, although the rest of the clan seemed to have not noticed. The elder Hyuuga attempted to mend the rift between the pair, finding it impossible to make either twin speak to him about it. Both children involved showed slight trauma from the incident, Neji became withdrawn and ignored everyone, save for his father, and Hinata seemed to mourn the loss of her uncle. It was only when the girl was kidnapped that things were forced into the open.

Hiashi had been horrified by the idea of his brother dying in his place, and tried to make him reconsider. Hizashi took the opourtuntiy to make his one show of force towards his brother, and left him disabled when he went to go. Hiashi swore he wouldn't forgive him for being so damned willing to go. He took over the raising of his nephew grudgingly, deep down knowing he had been at least half in the wrong.

Being a twin, he had a need to be half of at least SOMETHING


	4. Bath

"I can do this myself." Sasori complained. Deidara twisted the paintbrush like tool in his fingers for a moment, regarding him.

"I want to, hnn" He muttered and kept carefully cleaning, the spaces between Sasori's fingers and hand yielding dark material that Deidara couldn't identify, but thought might have been the result of blood and dust mixing. "Why? Do I hurt you?"

Sasori gave him a look of slight contempt. "I don't feel pain. You are just slow." Deidara chuckled, head still bent over Sasori's hand. It was true. He wasn't experienced and it took him several strokes to remove all the debris, a job Sasori could achieve easily in one movement. He hated to be kept waiting, this was getting irritating. "Can't you hurry, I hate being..."

Deidara smirked and cut him off. "But you're NOT waiting, hn. You're having quality time." He dug carefully to remove the last of the dirt and wiped the brush against a damp cloth laying on the floor beside the bed. Sasori shifted slightly. His lack of sensation meant the soft material had no benefit to his body, and he didn't like the feeling of being off balance on it. To add to it, he wasn't entirely sure how Deidara had just shifted the conversation, so he kept quiet for awhile to ponder it.

It was stupid, he thought. This useless gesture Deidara exhibited, this 'help' in cleaning. He sometimes protested, but not tonight. Deidara had been so agitated earlier, Sasori didn't care to experience that a second time. So he submitted to this. His joints needed cleaning anyway, what harm did it do to let Deidara do it, even if it seemed an odd hobby. The blonde finished the cleaning and picked up a bottle from Sasori's pack beside his knee. He opened it and touched up the chipped polish at the ends of the fingers, careful not to paint outside the carefully shaped indention that served as Sasori's nail.

"Done." He murmured, blowing a little on the wet paint. Sasori briefly thought of how many people would be glad, ecstatic even, to have the younger artist kneeling in front of them. Pleased to have his calloused hands grasp theirs. Happy to be catered to, be submitted to. But these things were the actions that he no longer desired. Useless, pitiful instincts that he had shed, along with his flesh, bone and blood.

Deidara looked up and the two shared a slight smile. Both knew. Neither would tell.


	5. Shower

Neji leaned forward to wet the back of his hair, unsurprised as he heard the bathroom door creeping open. He stood on his toes to peer over the top of the shower door at the girl flopping down on a bench outside. She grinned when she saw.

"No better?" She asked and he shrugged, turning his attention back to washing. Hanabi crossed her legs, watching him.

"You're getting better. But the door hinges make noise." He said. "Are you out of school so soon?" He3 asked, wondering what time it was. It couldn't be afternoon already. hanabi shook her head.

"I was sent away early. Its so dumb!" She sulked a little. Neji raised an eyebrow, looking at her. "One of the boys in my class left his bag on the training ground, so i went into the showers to return it." Neji blinked, then started laughing. Hanabi glared. "Its NOT funny! I could be in trouble, the senseis got mad!" Neji controlled his amusement finally, shampooing his hair.

"Not everyone is as comfortable with co-ed showering, Hanabi. The boys might be modest." He said paitently. Hanabi just looked more confused. Neji felt a little sympathy. It wasn't easy for her to understand people from outside their clan, she had been the birth that killed her mother, and as such was very precious to his uncle and grandfather. She hadn't been exposed to other children until she began acadamy. Inside the compound modesty was foreign. Their shared genetic ability did not develop with good control, therefore no Hyuuga child grew without having seen everything their opposite sex kin had.

"They didn't have to get so upset though..." Hanabi said sullenly. Neji just shook his head.

"You'll gte used to it, just don't go into the boys shower room anymore." He said softly. If he would be honest with himself, Hanabi wasn't just the favorite of his uncle... it was hard not to adore her. He rinsed his hair carefully while Hanabi watched boredly. His forehead hurt a little, and he wondered if his uncle had already heard about Hanabi's "peeping"

"Are you coming out soon?" She asked. "I want to you to come play with me." She said, raising the pitch of her voice a little to play on her youth. Neji laughed at it.

"Soon enough." He promised and ran conditioner down his hair.

"Why don't you bend over to wash your hair? You and Daddy both do that standing up thing." She said, uncrossing her legs and swinging them back and forth.

"You want to look at my butt?" Neji teased and she laughed.

"No. but its weird. I wash mine bending over."

"If you bend over it puts more stress on your hair. It'll break easy." He explained and came out, taking the towel she held out. She thought about it and nodded while he started drying off and dressing. She seemed to be deep in thought and Neji turned to watch her while he wound the bandages back onto his head.

"Neji-niisan, I love you. you know that right?" She said suddenly. He nodded, mentally reminding himself that this weird insecurity was supposed to be normal for her age. It didn't help the amusement he felt. She DID ask this everytime she saw him.

"Yes Hanabi. And I love you too." He answered, feeling uncharacteristicly gentle.

"And Hinata loves you too." She told him. He nodded, wiping traces of facial cleaner off his cheek.

"And Daddy too. You know we all love you, right?" She asked. neji hesitated for a moment and sighed.

"Yeah. I know."


	6. U sexeh thang

It was a lazy sort of day. Not that any day was anything but to Shikamaru, but today was a particularly lazy sort of day. So he crept away from sparring with Temari (crazy rhinoceros lady…) and to a quiet hill to watch clouds. He knew Temari would follow him sooner or later. She usually did, and when she did he would either have to flee, or would be dragged back, amid her angry accusations of his laziness and raging demands that he shape up and become a Jounin immediately if not sooner. He had a horrifying feeling she was trying to make a husband out of him.

He knew she was either too pretty or too ugly to make a wife out of… but he was too afraid to decide which it was. The point was, he didn't have to think about it just now… he could relax and watch the clouds… yes the clouds. Funny how the clouds looked like a beige dough roll with a red point…. Shikamaru sat up quickly as he realized Akamaru was attempting to urinate on him.

At least he HOPED it was an attempt to urinate. The dog panted at him amicably and Shikamaru turned over onto his hands and knees to stand up, and felt something heavy hop onto his back and… Shikamaru twitched, for a moment startled into stillness. Something was poking him in the rump repeatedly, and he sweated a bit realizing what it was. He growled and started yelling, which was quiet a feat for him, considering his usual distaste for expending energy.

"Get off Akamaru!" he yelled, which the dog responded by attempting to do just that. Shikamaru tried to crawl but was yanked back by paws the size of his cat. He considered his options. He wasn't in much danger of the dog actually managing anything, after all Shikamaru's pants were intact and so this was just a mildly inconvenient, but wholly humiliating situation. At least no one was around to see it. He tried standing up but the dog was damn heavy. He considered rolling over, but that seemed destined to make a bad situation worse.

Salvation finally came when he heard footsteps. He at first was loathe to call attention to this, but who knew how long this would take? He yelled, and was only slightly relieved when Ino walked up. She stopped for a moment to stare, then started quietly giggling.

"I always took you for a cat person…" She said, covering her mouth for a quick laugh. Shikamaru's face darkened and he glared.

"Oh what a wit you have…" He said. "Get me out of this!" Ino, still giggling helplessly walked behind Akamaru and swatted his butt.

"Shoo pup. Go away!" She said. The dog continued to happily hump away and ignored the girl entirely. Ino attempted to shove the dog, which it paid no mind to.

"Oh great, all those years of dieting have left you unable to handle on e dog?!" Shikamaru said irritably. Ino sighed.

"I better get help…" She said, and Shikamaru turned pale.

"Don't you dare! No one is gonna see me like this." He said quickly, but Ino had already run off. Shikamaru found himself with more energy than he ever cared to have again and started struggling valiantly not to be found getting dry humped by a dog. Akamaru seemed to take this as enthusiasm and let out a rapturous howl. Shikamaru started praying that the ground open up and swallow him… and fast. He tried again to crawl, scrabbling at the dirt franticly, but it was too late as he heard footsteps again. Akamaru's serenade continued unbothered.

The sound of laughter clued Shikamaru in that he had been found again, and embarrassingly he looked up to see Konohamaru and his team standing there. Not only were they no help, but now his humiliation had four witnesses instead of one. The children stood, in shock and awe of the scene before them, and Ino came running up….

Trailing most of Konoha. He turned red and tried to become invisible, but it failed miserably. Ino cheerfully waved. "SHIKAMARU! I brought someone to make the dog stop HUMPING you!" She yelled, and the poor lazy boy wondered what he had done to deserve this.

As Kiba, through a fit of maniacal laughter, moved forward to call off his cheerful dog, Shikamaru heard something that made his blood run cold.

Somewhere in the back of the group a voice called out, "Oh let Akamaru finish…. He looks so happy."

Shikamaru suddenly decided to become a Jounin, and to do it quickly…. Even if only so He. Could. Kill. Temari.


	7. Invasion Part One

He just needed a nap. Really, that was all. He wasn't looking for company, and he certainly wasn't looking to spend his evening dealing with…

"Arrived!" Lying across his couch the kunoichi almost looked… cute. Her eyes were shut, her leg dangled over the back of the seat. He inwardly cringed seeing her though. His thoughts of rest were dashed. But there was still hope…

"Hello Anko. I hope you don't think I'm rude but…"

"Oh you're **never** rude, Iruka." She cooed. "Always a perfect host." She sat up and gave a long stretch, then stood and walked over, wrapping her arms around Iruka's neck. He blushed and tried to step back. She leaned her weight on him, forcing him to catch her up before she fell into the floor. "See? Such a good man…" She purred and Iruka carefully deposited her onto the couch.

"This isn't like you." He said quietly. "You're pushy with men… but not me." He sat beside her and put a hand over her head, wondering if she was sick, or perhaps had been poisoned. She did spend a lot of time in the presence of snakes… maybe she had been bitten and was hallucinating. Her skin felt cool… Maybe a bit clammy. He started undoing her clothes to look for a bite. She giggled.

"Wow, Iruka-sensei… never knew you'd be so dominating." She wrapped her arms back around him and licked his cheek. He blushed and tried to push her away.

"Anko… you might be sick. Did you get hurt by those snakes of yours?" He asked, holding one of her eyelids up a little to look at her pupil.

"Huh? No of course not." Anko said, for once pushing him away. He landed on the floor. "My babies love and devote themselves to me…. They'd never harm me." She said, looking angry that Iruka would imply ill will towards her "babies". Iruka was quiet, remembering the time she had walked through town petting a six-foot long viper slung around her shoulder. "Besides. I'm immune." She shrugged and stood up, snooping through Iruka's kitchen.

"You were always such a good cook… My kitchen just has instant ramen and beer right now…" She lamented. Iruka sighed, but had an idea.

"Let me make you some dinner then… I'll walk you home afterwards and…" But Anko laughed.

"Silly. I came for a very important reason you know. I need to protect you from getting your innocent heart broken… you're so young and naïve…"

Iruka glared. "Hey! I'm only a year younger than you!" He said and stormed in. Anko giggled and sat on his counter. Iruka blushed and wished she would either wear more substantial underthings, or close her legs… even if he wasn't _that way_ her damned pink lace underwear was distracting. "And stop that… I didn't want to see your panties as a child, and I still don't!"

Anko laughed. "You know you did." She stretched. "Besides, I have something vitally important to tell you…. You have to stop what you're doing with Kakashi…. He's bad for you."

Iruka twitched. "Where the hell did that come from… we're not…" Anko cut him off by wrapping her arms around him.

"Aww, Fishie." She cooed. "Don't be so defensive… I know you like dangerous men, and I can understand… but you're so delicate and fragile… you need to find a nice strong man to treat you like the fishie princess you are…. I recommend Gai…." Iruka yelped in shock and stared at her.

"That was wrong… on… so many levels…." He managed. "First of all, Gai is… Gai is a no. And second, haven't YOU slept with Kakashi? How can you lecture me?" Anko shrugged, seeming confused why that mattered.

"So? I've slept with everyone you've slept with… how else could I tell if they're worthy of you, Fishie?" She said sweetly. Iruka sighed.

"You are strange… ever since we were kids you've been strange." He said, pulling free a bit and sitting on a kitchen chair. "And as for Kakashi… well, why would I take advice from you? You're completely immoral." He said, and Anko, in typical fashion just shrugged, seeming unoffended.

"I'm not immoral. I'm… err… sampling genetics. For the good of the village after all." Anko defended. She gestured down to her stomach, implying that her wandering affections were somehow all a noble sacrifice to create a strong next generation.

"Yeah. Lots of genetics. Face it, you're a dominatrix, easily bribed with fast food."

"When you put it that way it's so…. Cheap. But this isn't about me or what I did to Gai last night, this is about you."

"Yeah but… Wait what?!" Iruka stared at her and she continued to talk.

"Kakashi is a horrible lover for you. He's never around, and you might catch pink eye." Iruka stared at her, wondering if she seriously thought a Sharingan was contagious. She smiled sweetly. "Besides, can you name one good quality he was as a boyfriend?"

Iruka thought for a minute. "Umm… he's…" he almost said considerate, but that really wasn't true. He considered loving, but the fact remained that Kakashi occasionally forgot Iruka's name entirely. (But only after longer missions… that might be normal, right?) "He's…. Housebroken." Iruka said decisively.

Anko burst out laughing. "So are my snakes… but I don't have sex with them…"

Iruka was quiet, deciding he didn't want to know whether she was lying or not. He went into the living room and sat down, this might be a long night.

((A/N: This is just kinda a "Part One" for this storyline… it was getting way too long. I'll write more about it soon. ^^))


	8. Not Bad

There had been many bodies over the years... names, faces, they all sort of faded from his memory even as their spirits faded from his mind. They all tried to stay, unwilling or unready to give up and fade away, but in the end, he would end up alone and this was how he prefered it. He was hard on bodies, it was just unnerving to have a voice whispering to him, either begging him to be careful, or cursing him with the vigor of a spirit that needs no air nor food.

But Kimimaro was vastly diffrent. A willing and apt pupil, he had never flinched from his ultimate purpose, nor revealed weakness by begging to know more. He accepted his master's explanations of what would happen with interest, but no anxiety. Since the lucky day Orochimaru has stumbled upon him, Kimimaro had been almost like a phantom, requiring no more thought than a dream, but accepting training and orders easily and expertly. He did not fail, and he did not balk from anything.

Orochimaru found the child, and the young man he became to be good company, and unusual in that he did no tire of Kimimaro. Sometimes he wondered if he would miss him when the time came to take his body, but like Kimimaro, the thought brought no anxiety. even his fondness for him did not out weigh his pleasure at the thought of making the child's abilities his own. Privatly, he had a bit of hope that Kimimaro's spirit would remain long after he lost control of his body, but he knew that even if it didn't, he wouldn't care for long.

When Orochimaru gained his own village, Kimimaro seemed pleased, and as the village and the Kaguya child grew, Orochimaru waited paitently for the day to come that Kimimaro's body would be ready. When a sudden illness struck the boy, Orochimaru found himself mourning, not just for the loss of such a promising body, the last chance at the legendary Shikotsumyaku, but for the loss of the boy himself. Kimimaro had been a constant companion for so long, Orochimaru wasn't entirely sure what to do without him. The disappointment shocked him. He wondered if this was how a parent felt when confronted with the idea of outliving their child. This thought amused him. He was almost sure most parents didn't plan to "harvest" their children's bodies like so much ripe wheat.

In a way, Kimimaro's death had been a relief. Even as orochimaru privately mourned, in a way he was proud. Kimimaro hadn't died frail and wasting in a bed, he had died as a warrior, true to his clan and to his training. While Orochimaru was diappointed, it wasn't such a bad end, really.

Not bad at all. Any father might be proud.


End file.
